The Other Saminda: Part 2

The First Time:
So after resisting the pull of my cyber-doppleganger throughout his college years, I decided to engage once I saw he had entered the working world.  I received the following email sent to other Saminda regarding the transfer of some land.

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Dear Saminda,

Further to the telephone conversation I had with you on Friday 16th March 2007 ,please note that the following  have to be attended to finalise the checking of title of the land at TB Jaya Mawatha-:

1.The tree mortgages in favour of Union Bank to be cancelled
2.Extracts from the Land Registry covering a period of 30 years to be submitted. What has been submitted to us start from 1981
3.The endoresement on the plan to be corrected
4.The local authority certificates to be in the name of the company

regards,

Sepali
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I replied with the following:

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Dear Sepali,
Thank you for your correspondence.  Further to the telephone conversation I had with my wife on Monday March 19th, please note that I must attend to the following matters before finalising your affairs:

1) My wife has alerted me that she has been having an affair with our servant Nalaka for the past 18 months.  She advised that my tongue was a "useless instrument" and that Nalaka "does her right".  In light of her discovery, she has posited the following:
 - She has asked me to move out of our house with all of my belongings but requested that I keep behind the large industrial size lube I purchased for her and her special toy "Mr. Wonders"
 - She has requested to keep both the cars, the coupe and the sedan, because she sometimes likes to feel "sporty" and sometimes feel "classy"

2) My boss has informed me that I am being dismissed on charges of embezzlement and fraud.  He has pointed to recent unsubstantiated purchases on company credit I have made including:
- Several vats of "Make the O-Face Lube"
- Brand-new Mercedes Benz sedan and coupe
(He also noticed all the cash from the company safe has been emptied and replaced with chocolate gold coins)

Currently, I am in the process of acquiring large amounts of kerosene so I can burn down my house, the cars, and belongings.  I thought of using gasoline but I wanted a slower-burning fuel and something that would mix better with the lube to create more of an amber glow. 

After I attend to these matters, I will be going away for a long, long time Sepali so I won't be able to finalise your affairs.  It's probably a good thing because I would have just embezzled any shadow profits from the acquisition anyway.  Yes, Sepali, I'm a bad man and I also like to pee on people.

Regards,
Saminda

p.s. I stole your watch during lunch.
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I didn't receive a reply.