The Other Saminda: Part 3
The Volley:
This second business-related exchange somehow involved a reply. The first mail was about some earnest young Sri Lankan chap looking for a job at the other Saminda's firm.
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My reply:
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Dear Janaka,
Thank you for your correspondence, I am pleased to hear
of your interest of a role within our company. In regard to your
stipulations:
- Products: Yes, I am sure you will be able to
sell our products though I should mention that our focus has shifted
from Softwares (thanks for noting the proper plural form of software as
we do have several different softwares) into a different realm:
industrial-strength lube packaged for normal household consumption. As my associates have come to know, I have developed a strong affinity for lube
in all its forms in my personal endeavors and have convinced senior
management to change our company's charter to focus on bringing lube in large tubs to every home that we can muster. Trust me, once you have an industrial-strength vat of lube
in your home, you'll be surprised at how quickly you'll go through it.
And that consumption rate is accelerated for pet owners.
- Salary: I believe we can accommodate your salary requirement if
you are open to more flexible manner in which we manage our finances
here. Janaka, as you know lube doesn't grow on trees (well, not yet but maybe someday..) and purchasing several thousand tons of lube has a cost. So we have exhausted our capital and cash reserves and no longer can pay our employees actual money -only lube. You will receive
1.25 metric tons of lube each month as your standard salary, with additional bonuses and commissions also paid -in lube.
While I am excited at what you and I can do with lube in the future, Janaka, I have to express one reservation. Several times in your cover letter, you refer to me as "u". What the fuck is that about? Is is that much trouble to spell out two other fucking letters "y" and "o" in a request for employment? Are we fucking chatting on-line like were BFF? Have you even seen my myspace page? I don't think we're that friendly yet, Janaka. But the lube can change all that. It can change everything..
Please contact my assistant tomorrow to schedule an appointment. I usually emerge from my molten lube bath around 9am and have all orifices empty by 10. I look forward to meeting with you.
Regards,
Saminda
p.s. "..N Best Regards"? Jesus..
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And his!:
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Janaka
Yeah. Unbelievable.
That's it for now. I haven't been the other Saminda for a while but we'll see..
